Resistance

For the past week or so, I was struggling with an awful case of BLAH. In our family, we refer to this as poopy pants syndrome. Poopy pants is when you're just so MEH about everything, you walk around mopey and lost. You have no energy, no motivation, you cry about everything, you feel hopeless and weak, and nothing anyone can say or do will alter your soggy attitude. It is the WORST. At first, I blamed my fake period for placing me there. I don't have a uterus, but I still exhibit PMS symptoms each month so hence: the fake period. But the longer it lasted I knew it was more than that. It was resistance.

I recently read a book called The War of Art, referred to me by my good friend Kevin Kuzia. I highly suggest it. The entire book is about achieving a set goal you have in mind and overcoming the resistance you will face as you work toward it. It wasn't too far into the book when I realized I could substitute the word Satan or the adversary, in place of the word resistance and it was much more relatable to my situation. The author, Steven Pressfield, shares an eye opening point. He explains that the more important a call is to our soul's evolution, the more resistance we will feel to pursing it. He even goes on to say that resistance has no strength of it's own. Every bit of juice it gets to fuel itself comes from US and our fear of doing whatever it is we are trying to achieve.

After this last General Conference, I was so fired up and excited. So many of the talks were directed toward my movement and everything I had been impressed to do. I felt completely in tune and right in line with what the world needed at this time. And then slowly, doubt and fear crept in. What if I'm annoying everyone? It's a lot of work, what if I can't keep it up? What if I get writers block and can't articulate my thoughts? What if no cares or reads and it doesn't spread like I want it to? I had all these gross feelings permeate into my brain and try to dismantle my motivation and confidence. I prayed for an answer and all I received was to get a blessing from my Lover.

A priesthood blessing is given by a Melchizedek Proesthood holder by laying on of hands and inspiration to someone who is sick, in need of special counsel, comfort or healing. You can read more about that HERE. I hate asking for blessings because I'm extremely stubborn and I don't like to admit that I need help. And then to ask for a blessing for no reason at all?! Ugh. I put it off and ignored the prompting. Days passed and my poopy pants attitude grew heavier. Still, I felt the need for a blessing and still, I ignored it. I can do this. I can fight through this. It's just my fake period. I don't need help. I'll be fine in a week. I’m not a weakling. As much as I tried to power through, it just got stronger. Then as I was scrolling Instagram one day, I passed a post that simply said, "When was the last time you received a priesthood blessing?" The push to ask for a blessing was practically shouting at me now. I humbled myself and asked my sweet Lover to give me one. Of course he was MORE than willing. Even though I had no idea what I needed it for and couldn't tell him what or IF I was struggling with anything, he placed his hands on my head and gave me the exact blessing I needed. He assured me that Heavenly Father was SO proud of all I was doing. He told me how mentally, physically, and spiritually strong I am. He reminded me of how hard Satan would fight against me because I was doing exactly what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. The blessing reminded me of the reference to resistance in Pressfield's book. That's what this was. Yeah, maybe my fake period was contributing but this was resistance. This was Satan. And that sneaky little butthole was using my OWN fears and doubts to fuel his attack.

There's a quote I love by Camilla Eyring Kimball that states, "We are inclined to long for ease in our lives, but it is a common observation that those who struggle and overcome are the ones who have the greatest satisfaction." Of course I want to be lazy. I want to chill everyday and just watch shows and eat my Reeses bats (the shapes are always the best ones). I wanna just lay in my bed and not have to do anything that will be difficult or create resistance. I don't want to do anything that would require me to have to listen to anyone who doesn't believe in me or worry that people may be doubting or laughing at me. I just want that ease lyfe. 😂 BUT, that is the natural man. To FIGHT that inclination of giving into the natural man is the key to growth and personal satisfaction. THAT is part of the big purpose of being put on this earth to begin with. To be placed in this body that comes with urges and desires and to fight those and re-discover the spiritual self that is capable of true greatness. To truly gain mastery over our physical body and not allow resistance/Satan to take over. Pressfield captures this idea perfectly in his book by saying, "The truly free individual is only free to the extent of his own self mastery. While those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them."

I can do this. 👊🏾